In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
