Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
