I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
