I cockslap morals
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
