He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i've created a new STD.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
