Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
