That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
