so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
