I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
