True but thats because hes a fetus.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
