Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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