yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
