Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
