I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
