Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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