The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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