you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
