i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
