sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
