just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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