When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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