i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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