I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
