Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
