Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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