drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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