fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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