We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
