Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
