life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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