Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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