Where are you?
In a non slutty way
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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