I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
