Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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