i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
