Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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