Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
