Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
