I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
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