took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
