I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
