I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
