Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
