I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
