I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
