Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
