I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
