you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
