Little spoons don't ask big questions
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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