Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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