Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
