non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
false alarm. still invincible.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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